Bitterness

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****For the purpose of this blog, I am connecting bitterness to decision-making. Not a deep blog. Food for thought.****

Curious question…

What makes people who experience bitterness  say they have “moved on” from the negative experience but yet they still want to be connected to the experience “they claimed” they have moved on from? Yes, a little wordy… but you get my point.

Is their a sense of connectivity? Maybe fixated on an outcome they didn’t receive?

Let’s explore…

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I think bitterness is a result of a negative response to what someone wished could have happened. So bitterness appears as a result of not being “satisfied.” If not, addressed can leak into everything a person does.

What is bitterness? Resentment

What makes it take root in our lives?

I spoke with an associate who sparked me to write this blog. Their bitterness was rooted

not in rejection…

not in sadness

but in REVENGE.

(I am like for real… we are getting to old for all that!)

It is an interesting scenario that really caught me by surprise. This person justified their bitterness by setting out revenge on not just the person, but anything and everything connected to the scenario. So I said, “dang, that person has that much power over you?!” It caught the person by surprised because they wanted me to justify their anger. Although I said, “Yes, you have every right to be angry, but it does not allow you to emotionally hurt others as the result of your own bitterness. Deal with your hurt, you got insurance.” (Yup, I said that. Your healing is your work.)

What peace does bitterness bring?

What power does it hold?

What restoration will bitterness give you? 

The truth is when someone is bitter, they allow the situation, person or thing to take hold of every decision, outcome and goal. They wear bitterness on their sleeves. Everything is purposed around “the thing” “they can’t get over”. Bitterness… can make any decisions feel like you are right all the time or mentally exhaust yourself to validate it!. A person sometimes hangs out with people who typically justifies their “bitter behavior”. I understand being helpful to a friend to get through their resentment but bitterness is result of unresolved or unaddressed issue(s). I mentioned to the person, “if revenge was the answer, you would of felt better a looooooong time ago. So, what is the real issue?

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If you know me, I typically voice if I like or not like a decision. I respect that people may make decisions I do not agree with. If I am in disagreement with the decision, I am perfectly content in being by myself trying to figure out how to manage a decision I am not in agreement with.  It is difficult to manage a decision that can result in your own bitterness. I have experienced that professionally and personally. Not saying I am perfect at it, but I definitely do not fake it. However what I noticed with my associate, is that they were okay with “faking” their happiness to appear they were not bitter.

What makes bitterness rough to address? 

What makes it hard to deal with?

  1.  Being able to handle expectation you did not expect.

2. Resentment: Bitterness can really have a hold on a person, when the “person, place or thing” has already moved on.

3. If not healed or handled with care, can distort perception of reality, growth, potential relationship and/or destroy healthy relationships that the person has.

4. If they lose sense of connection to unresolved issues, they feel they have lost control of managing their expectations

5. Being stuck in “time” of with the unresolved issue while other have moved on

What was mind boggling… the issue “has been resolved” but not to the expectation of the individual. They resented

the answer…

the expectation…

Even the people who don’t know about the situation (that is deep)

This person believes that bitterness is the control button to making things “right” in their eyes. However, it is the main thing that is causing them not to control and manage their own life.

Self check …How many of us are making decisions out of our own bitterness?

Do not allow bitterness to rob you of your happiness! If someone made a decision contrary to your belief system… their rejection is directing you where you need to be.

I am still connected with this person, and will work with them.

 

Sincerely,

Be better or not bitter

 

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