I thought there was one secret I was going to carry to the grave… but the Lord said otherwise.
My heart is the core of my being. It has limited access and not even a secret password with a thumb print can get you in. I’ve been challenged to accept how I feel and learning to take compliments. You may say… what do you mean??? For years, I’ve been saying… I’m okay when I’m not. When I express how I feel, ppl will say you shouldn’t feel that way. Although trying to make me feel better, I heard it so much that I turn it into what I’m feeling is wrong. These two elements have truly challenged how I view myself and what I accept people’s view of me.
For example, with relationships, I was the girl guys broke up with because, “its not you its me” or “… your such a good person… sweet girl. ..”. Its like I was plagued with because I am a good person you cant be in a relationship. The only relationships that lasted are the ones where there was a huge need “I could only fill.” I was not seen as the girl you go out on dates or have fun but the one who handle business.
So when love came I didnt see it, smell it or know it existed for me. Why? Because I truly believed I was not loveable. The Lord knows my heart is a tough cookie. He knew I wouldn’t take this lesson from anyone else. But he chose 1 friend to share with me… love. I have to say… now I get why friendships are the best relationships and marriages.
I understand we are not to act on “all” of our emotions. But I do accept I have them and a need to identify whats right or wrong for me. All I can do now is embrace the lesson, live and grow.
The human experience. .. is a journey marked with change being ever present… the saying is true “love never fails.” It keeps searching until it has found its mark. Love searches for a prepared heart to embrace.
Although I would love to turn back time to do things differently. .. Im so happy that he did not quit our friendship because I did not see the love he has for me.
I am forever grateful.
I am forever appreciative.
I am forever humbled.
I am forever changed.